The beginning of the end? The beginning of the beginning?

Yesterday I was released from my first (and hopefully my last!) inpatient psych hospitalization.  While I had mixed feelings about going to the hospital, and mixed feelings the entire time I was there about whether or not it was the right place for me, and some major issues with the care I received, I can ultimately say that I walked out of the hospital in much better shape than I walked in in.  Am I better?  HELL NO!  I still have a LONG LONG way to go, but I have a much better outlook on my treatment now.  I have to be in control.  The attitude cannot be "I'm here, now fix me!" it has to be "I'm here, show me how to fix myself."  As my psychologist in the hospital said, I'm driving the car, they are just giving me the directions.  I went to the hospital because I was thinking nonstop about self-harm and suicide, felt completely out of control and on edge 24/7, was having multiple panic attacks every day, and I could barely function for a minute, let alone "one day at a time."  Now, I've made a promise to myself not to self-harm, and I remind myself (constantly, because I keep forgetting), that I control my emotions, they don't control me; that I'm in charge of my life, and that I have to take it each day, each hour, each minute, each second at a time, live in the present, and keep fighting.  Today I start a partial hospital program.  I am scared OUT OF MY MIND, but hopeful.  Hopeful for my future self, my future family, my future life....