Emptiness

I know that it's common for Borderlines to have feelings of emptiness.  There it is in criterion number 7: Chronic Feelings of Emptiness (http://bpdresourcecenter.org/DSM-IV.html).  I used to always believe that the empty/void/numb/hollow feeling was better than the unbearable depression.  Now, I'm not so sure.

I've noticed that I cried a whole lot more in the hospital than I do at home, both before and after my hospitalization.  Like, A LOT.  I remember before my hospitalization thinking how weird it was that I was sooooo depressed and such an emotional person (hello borderline) and still wasn't really crying.  In the hospital I would have hysterical, uncontrollable crying fits.  Maybe because I somehow knew it was safe there.  Maybe because I wanted attention from the staff.  I don't really think that's the reason though, because yesterday I really really wanted to cry, and found that I couldn't even do it.  Then, I just felt hollow.

It's like my brain is trying to protect me from the overwhelming emotions I have.  When I mentioned feeling hollow at the hospital, one of the doctors said it's because my thoughts/feelings/emotions are all so negative, my mind decides it would rather feel nothing than experience all the pain and negativity.  But, I think somehow all that crying was both cathartic for me and helped me understand and experience the emotions/thoughts/feelings that either I'm ignoring or my mind is subconsciously blocking me from.

Anyone have any thoughts or opinions on this topic?  I'd love to hear them!